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Johnny. Remember me?

I hear through the grapevine that Top Gear is to have its wings clipped. Trips to the North Pole are on hold, trashing caravans is now verbotten, and there’s to be no more splashing out on power boat trips up the Thames.

Worse still. I hear that Stig is to be replaced. There’s no longer enough money to pay a professional racing driver, so the rumour goes, and therefore the Top Gear producers are casting around for a member of the public who will fit into a small Nomex suit and look lively round Dunsfold. I would like to suggest my Uncle Charlie. As a market trader, he’s used to cutting corners, and the bends are no problem - he hasn’t been on the straight and narrow for years.

Perhaps when the present Stig leaves, we shall find out who he is (or she?). I have my own theory based on Stig’s size and the apparent fact that he is available all the year round and so is unlikely to be involved in F1 testing. Having met him a few times, my instinct tells me it’s Johnny Herbert. If you have a better idea, why not air it here?