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I live quite close to the farm in Surrey that featured recently in news stories about the outbreak of E-coli.

But during a recent trip to another part of Surrey I encountered an outbreak of another sinister visitation, namely E-bygum.  In the coach park of a famed beauty spot I noticed a Yorkshire-registered coach, the occupants of which were marveling at things we take for granted: sunshine, trees, and the whiff of rich pasture land – land that once was farmed but which now is merely owned by the rich.

This set me thinking. What kind of carbon footprint would be left by this 400-mile round-trip? And what would be the cumulative footprint of hundreds of such excursions every weekend, not only by coach, but by car as well?

We are urged to live green, and reduce our individual carbon footprints, yet we allow people to roam freely – far from home and in total disregard of the environmental costs of mere recreational travel.

Although I am a keen environmentalist (in fact, I have just sold a V12 car and replaced it with a V8) don’t get me wrong: I’m all for a weekend drive, but do we have to travel so far? I have written to George Brown and suggested that Britain could lead the way in reducing our CO2 footprint by insisting that tourists be confined to the county in which they have chosen to live and work. I appreciate that some counties have little to offer tourists however well they might know the area, so I have suggested that residents of certain counties be allowed to visit contiguous counties: for example, that Lancastrians be allowed to visit Yorkshire; or that folks from Bedfordshire might be allowed to nip into Cambridgeshire or Northants, but not Hertfordshire in case they could not be persuaded to return home.

In one fell swoop we could cut our CO2 output by millions of tonnes each year, our roads would run more freely, and in these credit-crunched times people would spend less on fuel and have more money for bingo.  Enterprising caterers could offer a form of virtual tourism; pubs in Leicestershire could serve Cornish pasties; tea shoppes in Yorkshire could serve Devon cream teas; and Surrey restaurants could serve potee chaud du Lancastre.  Indeed, with a little imagination an entirely toponymic menu could be contrived.

But to be fair, people must first be given a chance to choose the county where they must work, rest and play, so I have suggested to George the idea of a ‘transfer window’. A period of six months during which people could up sticks and move to the county of their choice. Unfortunately Surrey and Sussex are full, but I’m told that Northumbria has one or two nice spots.