Mazda6 handbrake access is awkward - but fair

OK, so we’ve gotten used to car makers designing primarily for left-hand drive (LHD) markets and then making revisions to accommodate the conversion for right-hand drive (RHD) markets. We don’t like it, but it makes commercial sense so we can understand the logic.

However, I must admit I’m getting fed up with having to make do with some design features which seem to have been carried over from the LHD version without a single consideration or modification for RHD versions.

Apart from MINI’s ‘Club door’ which encourages you to spill your kids into the traffic rather than onto the pavement, I recently found myself reaching across two occupied cupholders to grasp the handbrake on the new Mazda6 - not good.

I’ve since discovered that in the case of the Mazda6, this detail has been mirrored from the LHD versions - which makes it even more baffling.

In any case MINI is by no means the only culprit so let me know if you’d like to name and shame a few more.

The OCD model comes with hygienic wipes and an array of small soaps

I found myself stuck in an airport hotel room the other week, watching daytime TV. On offer was an American cop series based on, of all things, an obsessive-compulsive detective.

Talk about scraping the bottom of the genre barrel. Since the 1970s we’ve had every conceivable variation on the theme: fat detective, dirty detective, racial minority detective, sexy female detective, detective-in-a-wheelchair and alcoholic detective. What’s left? Gluten-allergy detective?

Now I hear that Ford has been given an award for its cars, not on the basis of performance or economy or styling or low carbon footprint – but for their ‘allergy-friendly’ interiors. Before you get all uppity and tell me that, for allergy sufferers, this is mould-breaking stuff, let me point out that I suffer from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder but I don’t see anyone designing cars with hand-washing facilities and little objects to count, adjust and straighten. And what about cars for fat people? Or dirty people? Or alcoholics?

Change out of £190.

Never mind the price of petrol, what about the price of oil?

I have just picked up the Range Rover we use when we are filming our road-test videos.  All I wanted was an oil change yet the Land Rover dealer (in Sussex, not central London) presented me with a bill for £250 – and that was for the labour alone. The oil itself was another £73. Add on the VAT, and the bottom line came to £380.

And since the Range Rover’s oil capacity is about two gallons, that makes the present price of oil around £190 a gallon.

When I started driving, you could buy an entire garage for less than that.

A Bugatti Veyron

That recent news item – about the Mafia-run factory in Sicily building fake Ferraris – made me laugh. Surely a potential buyer would hear the difference between an American V4 and a full-blooded Ferrari V8? Even the Police said the fakes were easily spotted because they have ‘narrower chassis and thinner wheels’.

There was a fake 250 GTO which used to come to Italian classic car events – the last place on earth the ill-advised owner should have shown his face. A collective shudder would go up from the other participants when the car tippy-toed, all tall and deformed, into the display area. People would look away, embarrassed. Except for one chap next to me who muttered, “What a terrible waste of a perfectly good Datsun 240Z.”

A spy shot of the new Speed Watch mobile camera.

The police in Surrey have asked me to help them recruit some more volunteers for the local Speed Watch system.

They are looking for anyone with a pulse, preferably regular, who is able to stand, sit, or lie by the roadside and point a speed camera towards the sound of an approaching car. Persons who twitch or oscillate are particularly welcome as speed readings are consequently exaggerated.

Eyesight is not essential as the camera-operator will be provided with an assistant to more or less read the number plates. A second assistant will write down the registration approximated by the first, and a third assistant will hold the camera still while a fourth reads the recorded speed. A fifth assistant will make conversation, whilst a sixth will wave at drivers in order to distract them. Age or sex is of no consequence unless it occurs on duty.

In certain areas, the police are experimenting with mobile Speed Watch cameras. These will be towed slowly along the pavement edge.

Applications should be made to Surrey Police on 01483 539999. When you call, please mention my name: Massimo Pini Graham Whyte.

Why, oh why, oh WHY did Alfa Romeo gives its gorgeous new sporty supermini such a silly name? First, it was going to be the Alfa Junior, which is bland but inoffensive. Then they decided they didn’t like it, so they held an online poll, asking Alfisti to choose between a list of names which Alfa had come up with. And ‘Furiosa’ won.

But Alfa decided they didn’t like that, either (so why hold a poll?) and called the new car the Mi.To – a name which wasn’t even on the list. And if it had been, it certainly wouldn’t have won. I mean, nobody’s going to vote for My.Toe, are they (which is certainly how all the British punters are going to pronounce it)? Is this toe thing some sort of April Fool’s joke? Sadly, it seems not.

Chic and cheerful - the bargain Citroen C2

I am often asked for car buying advice by friends and users of the site.

Today, the conversation turned to a first car for a ‘designer-type’ with a budget of around £2,500. The car needs to be cheap to run and insure, yet not appear so utterly naff as to make the owner an object of ridicule in the company of his friends.

In terms of what’s cool and reasonably sensible, he could do a lot worse than one of his colleagues who’s recently become the proud owner of a Ford Puma. The fact that his friend has just bought one now makes the Puma out of the question so I instead suggested the evergreen Ford Ka, which soldiers on pretty much unchanged until its replacement arrives within the next 12 months or so. An excellent car with a unique style; its ubiquity hasn’t diminished its coolness.

Another car which has just about dropped into the £2.5K price-bracket is the Fiat Panda. Charismatic and practical, this car is a little belter.

Sticking with the practical hatch brigade, but searching for that little extra je ne sais quoi, I would take a long hard look at the Citroen C2. Panache and parsimony go hand in hand with this petite French number.

There’s a nice metallic blue one right now on Auto Trader for £2550. I reckon the private seller would drop a hundred quid or two for a cash buyer.

If you’ve got any tips or suggestions on stylish motoring on a budget, drop me a line.

New Lancia Delta is UK-bound at last

It was way back in 2002 when we began our campaign to get Lancia back into the UK after what was already a lengthy absence of some 8 or 9 years.

Our campaign took the form of a website quite simply titled Bring Back Lancia, and it celebrated the illustrious history of the great Italian marque that had brought us a series of automotive masterpieces over the years such as the Lambda, the Stratos and, of course, the Delta Integrale.

The website was a labour of love for our design team and included some excellent and engaging content including a Lancia Trumps game featuring historical models and a fun Quiz which sorts out the true cognoscenti from the boys.

Graham Whyte wrote a history of the marque while I put my energy into researching the brand’s then current line-up and key concept cars to try to tap into where its future lay.

A return to right-hand drive markets seemed a logical decision, given that Lancia bosses were forecasting massive increases in volumes over the next 5-10 years, but many poo-pooed our suggestion as folly.

In May 2004, Richard Gadeselli, Chairman and CEO of Fiat UK, very politely told me by email “I can confirm that there are no plans whatsoever to manufacture Lancia vehicles in right hand drive format.”

Was he towing the corporate line? Probably. But no matter - what’s important is that Lancia is coming back to the UK with their new Delta and hopefully it will be good enough to convince buyers so that the marque can lay solid foundations for a prosperous future.

Take a look at the BBL website if you have 5 minutes. It’s a bit of a time capsule as it’s never been updated but a few positive comments could push it up the agenda…