As a child, I was regularly warned to keep away from swans, because “they can break your arm”. Friends tell me they were given the same instructions. Why, then, aren’t the riverbanks littered with less cautious children, wailing and clutching their shattered limbs? It’s a lie, isn’t it?

Having your arm broken by a swan is, I reckon, about as likely as blowing up a petrol station by talking on your mobile phone. On an average day, how many mushroom clouds of black smoke do you see in the distance, as yet another Shell station explodes? Fewer than ten, I bet.

Hollywood pretensions for the down-to-earth Astra

The sixth generation Vauxhall Astra is dealership-bound from today. I attended a premiere event at GM’s Millbrook Proving Ground last weekend to see the car for myself.

It was a chance for attendees – mainly interested members of the public - to take various Astra models for a spin. Vauxhall is emphasising improvements in quality and the cabin certainly feels a step up over the old car.

Yet despite Vauxhall’s best efforts to allude to movie glamour and motorsport, most people I spoke to seemed more convinced by the Astra’s solid engineering and build quality. As one of the nation’s workhorses, perhaps that’s as it should be.  

I was somewhat surprised to see that Citroen was promoting its new DS3 at last month’s MPH Show with the slogan ‘Anti Retro’. Clearly a reference to the car’s contemporary design in stark contrast to that of its key intended competitor - the MINI.

I find this odd on two fronts:

Firstly, Citroen is trading on a retro nameplate with DS. Granted, the car bears no resemblance to the original, but the company is happy for customers to make the positive connection with the iconic Bertoni-designed saloon from the 1950s.

Secondly, I would argue that Citroen’s latest concept car, the Revolte, unveiled at the 2009 Frankfurt Motor Show (and previewed beforehand on Facebook), showed some rather distinctly retro traits, although admittedly it stopped short of simply becoming a caricature of the 2CV.

At last year’s Geneva Show, in response to rumours and a slick ‘leaked’ digital image of just such a car, I put the question to Mark Lloyd, Citroen’s Design Chief responsible for both the DS3 and the new C3 (which share a platform incidentally), as to whether retro designs such as the MINI and the Fiat 500, were merely a cop-out - an admission that a design team couldn’t come up with anything new and appealing.

Lloyd’s response was quite resolute:

“Our job [as designers] is to create cars that people want to buy.” In principle, if the demand is there for such vehicles, then why not?

He went on to point out that the MINI, ignoring its design, was fundamentally a good car. If it were a bad car, then the design would be unlikely to save it.

So what’s the deal?

Is the Anti-Retro slogan simply part of a very targeted advertising campaign against BMW’s updated interpretation of Issigonis’ masterpiece, or are we likely to see Citroen go Pro-Retro if the public’s reaction to the Revolte is deemed to be positive?

Citroen’s official line is no to retro, but given Lloyd’s unwillingness to rule out the possibility, I’m banking on the latter.

Watch this space.