I’m confused; some would say perpetually. Network Rail has said that it’s considering a major expansion of the rail network, because the current infrastructure can’t cope. Five major new lines might criss-cross the UK to add much-needed capacity to the network. So far so good.

However, Richard Dyer, transport campaigner at Friends of the Earth, is on record as saying: “Expanding Britain’s railways by building new high speed lines is potentially very exciting - and could play an important role in weaning Britain off fossil fuels and developing a low carbon economy”.

Am I missing something here? Are these new railways going to feature trains that run on rainwater or what? I can’t see that elecricity is a viable option, and even if it was, you can bet it wouldn’t be generated from solar panels or wind – which means it would come from coal-fired power stations as the environmentalists won’t let us have nuclear either.

So in what way are these trains going to reduce our dependence on fossil fuels? The last time I looked, most of the choo-choos lining our network were diesel-powered. Still, as long as the diesel isn’t going into private cars, it just has to be more environmentally friendly, doesn’t it? Public transport is always good, even when it’s running round empty.