Surrey's latest traffic car.

I got a tug last weekend. A police incident car followed me for several miles then eventually pulled me over with a quite unnecessary surfeit of blues and twos.

At the time I was driving ‘Old Bill’, my 1947 MG TC police car, which was once a proud upholder of the Road Traffic Act in distant Yorkshire and still decked out in its original livery. That is to say, it has a sort of number plate on t’back reading ‘Police’.

The young constable was eager to demonstrate that I was committing the offence, as he put it, of “…impersonating a police car.” Quite right: you could easily be fooled by the fabric roof and wire wheels.

Then he noticed that, according to the car’s road-fund licence, the fee paid was zero. This struck him as mysterious and possibly the source of another offence. And when his PNC check revealed the elderly MG to be an ‘Historic Vehicle’ he seemed unaware of such a taxation class.

Suspecting a ruse, he used his mobile ‘phone to engage the services of a traffic inspector, by way of a consultant. The conversation was fairly short, and as far as I could gather, quite pointed. A number of “Sirs” were appended at our end.

We left shortly after that, and on the way home I booked a couple of Beema drivers for speeding.

I recently had occasion to drive to Kentish Town. The journey was quite uneventful until I reached Kentish Town Road, northbound from Camden.

Then suddenly what had been a quietish journey turned into a nightmare of diesel fumes, belligerent bus drivers, hooting horns, and little or no progress.. In fact, it took me almost 30 minutes to travel some 400 yards along the aptly named A400, and I was even overtaken by some old boy with a Zimmer frame.

And the reason? Road works, of course. Except they weren’t so much road works as a tiny depression in the gutter, which, presumably, some council loony had decided should be fenced off in the name of Health and Safety. The patch in question could not have covered an open magazine, yet the fence around it could have contained several cows. In consequence, the road width was reduced to that of a single bus.

Mind you, the fenced-off area appeared to have trapped all the rubbish that normally tumbles down Kentish Town Road, blown by the winds from the Highgate foot hills. For a change, the place looked quite respectable, and the wag who doctored the local Northern Line sign may soon regret maligning such a clean and tidy neighbourhood.

Fiat 500 in the rain at the UK press launch

We were invited by Fiat to the UK press launch of the new 500 in London. After hob-knobbing with a few celebs (cast and former cast members of Holby City, The Bill and ‘Allo ‘Allo as well as comedy-writer Barry Crier and Italian Rugby ace Marco Bortolami), we picked up the new ‘bambino’ in Greenwich and took it on a scenic circular test route that included Leeds Castle in Kent.

The new 500 harks back to Fiat’s 1957 model bearing the same name, just as the new MINI and the VW Beetle take design cues from their iconic ancestors.

The retro themes carry through into the interior which is beautifully detailed and elevates the 500’s status from budget compact car to funky fashionable runabout.

On the go the baby Fiat is blessed with the same excellent road manners of the Panda with which it shares its platform. The forthcoming Ford Ka is also to share a version of this chassis and will be built alongside the Fiat in Poland.

Noise levels are well suppressed and we soon forgot we were driving the Multijet diesel variant. The 1.3-litre unit delivers plenty of punch, while emitting an urban-friendly 111g/km of CO2 which equates to Road Tax of just £35 a year.

The Lounge model we tested retails at £10,700, but the entry-level 1.2–litre petrol model in Pop trim comes in at just £7900, so joining the ‘in’ crowd doesn’t mean breaking the bank.

A 1.4-litre petrol engine and a third trim level, ‘Sport’, complete the line up. You can choose any engine and trim combination and spec your car up with a vast range of personalisation options including ‘go-faster’ stripes, spoilers, additional chrome detailing and various alloy wheel designs.

The cute and cheeky styling of the Fiat 500 really is its major selling point. It looks great, inside and out. Yes, rear legroom is a little tight but not much worse than a MINI ‘s and the boot space is also modest at just 185 litres.

No it’s not the most practical car for the money but it’s definitely the coolest.

If you want to see the car on the move, check out our video.

Modus Tinnitus: instant irritation at the press of a button

A car can be almost perfect, and then some miserable journalist spends a big chunk of his (and it usually is ‘his’) review criticising some tiny detail. Such as the lack of a footrest in the Fiat Stilo. Or the ‘vibrating’ seatbelt when the window is open on the Chevrolet Matiz. I once read a lengthy rant about a ‘bogey’ smeared on the inside of a rev-counter’s transparent cover. Honestly.

Well, here’s mine. I’ve been driving the Renault Modus, an excellent small MPV with all sorts of commendable features but it gives me tinnitus. Or so I thought, till I worked out that the faint, high-pitched ringing is coming from the heater fan. Is it just this car, I wonder, or a standard feature on every Modus? Maybe it’s a selling point of the Modus Tinnitus limited-edition model. I don’t know but it’s spoiling my enjoyment of an otherwise desirable car. Still, at least there’s no bogey.

If your car runs on petrol, be sure not to fill it up with Ackroyd Stuart by mistake

An alert reader recently pointed out my error in claiming that Fiat was the first to develop commonrail diesel engines. In about 1918, apparently, Doxfords – a British shipbuilder based in Sunderland – developed the Doxford two-stroke marine diesel engine and yes, it operated on a commonrail system.

I can only apologise – but what does the reader mean by ‘diesel’ engines? Rudolph Diesel didn’t patent his version of the technology till 1892 and, at the time, Rudolph favoured coal dust as fuel. However, Herbert Ackroyd Stuart had already invented the compression ignition oil-burning engine, in England, two years before.

But I accept the point that Fiat was not the first to use commonrail technology in its Ackroyd Stuart engines.

Fiat 500 is a flyer

Just back from the UK press launch of the Fiat 500 (lots more copy, pictures and video to follow), and caught a glimpse of the baby Fiat being inserted into its pod in the London Eye (does that make it an eye-pod?), ready for the public launch on Monday. My lens wasn’t long enough for a pin-sharp shot across a choppy Thames, but I thought I’d share my scoop with you nonetheless.

Once again overlooked - The Proton Saga

“The new Mondeo is nothing short of fantastic and head and shoulders above its rivals. Whichever model you choose you’ll have a great looking, well-built and well-equipped family car that’s a joy to drive or be driven in.”

It is customary for advertising copywriters to eulogise their clients’ products, and this sugary homily is typical of a sweet-talking wordsmith. Unfortunately, the wordsmith in question is Steve Fowler, group editor of What Car?

The judges apparently selected the Mondeo Estate for an award “…due to its frugal yet lively and refined diesel powertrain combined with a specification-packed interior.’ This just shows how professional the What Car? journos have become: without a word of prompting, they reached exactly the same conclusion as Ford.

The magazine held its award ceremony last night, and the Mondeo was one among many – highly predictable – cars that ‘scooped’ an award. Judging by the flood of press releases in this morning’s mailbox, Proton was about the only company not to have ‘scooped’ anything. Might I suggest that for next year What Car? includes ‘The best car for retired storekeepers from Billericay’ award. It wouldn’t help Proton but for once Hyundai would not have to leave empty handed.

The big story in Detroit this week is the Cadillac Speedbump Special. Aimed specifically at the UK market, it uses a special reinforced front air dam to ‘neutralise’ speed bumps.

The Speedbump Special is based on the so-called ‘cow-catchers’ that remove fallen cattle from railway lines, and uses materials and technology developed for snow ploughs by Caterpillar and others,

When confronted by speed bumps, the new Cadillac simply planes them down to the road surface, and the angled valance neatly disperses the resulting rubble to either side of the carriageway.

Cadillac is anxious to avoid the seven-litre Special’s being labelled a ‘gas guzzler’, and to appease UK environmentalists has re-bored the engine to a more modest 5.8 litres. “We had even considered a joint venture with Mini,” said a Cadillac spokesman, “but there was a size issue.”

Unfortunately, only half of the vehicles reported were recovered (not sure which half, though).

The above title is deliberately provocative but is a deduction at which I arrived, having read a press release from the AVCIS (The Association of Chief Police Officers Vehicle Crime Intelligence Service) - which apparently recovered £1.53 million-worth of fraudulently obtained vehicles in four months.

Well why not two Veyrons then? No indication is given as to how many vehicles are involved; they are worth about that amount and are surely desirable enough to be ‘worth nicking’.

Apparently 30 arrests have been made and half of the vehicles reported have so far been recovered - so 2 out of 4 ain’t bad.

Pending further details from the AVCIS - I’m sticking with my Veyron-version of events.

Standard version of the Tata Nano

So the ‘1-lakh’ car has been unveiled by Tata motors at the 9th Auto Expo in New Delhi.

1-lakh is roughly equivalent to £1,500 so this makes the Nano one of the cheapest production cars around - if not the cheapest (bear in mind the Dacia Logan is around £3,000).

Tata is apparently about to take control of luxury brands Jaguar and Land Rover so it will be intriguing to see how it develops and promotes products at both the top and bottom end of the car market.

No word yet on whether the Nano will reach western markets or if Apple are getting fed up with everyone cashing in on their brand marketing ideas: Nano is a name applied to a version of the iPod and Mitsubishi already sell the iCar.

What price a Skoda Shuffle or a Toyota Touch?