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Archive for December, 2007
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| Another Swedish design classic |
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While I’m having a go at the Swedes (see last blog), I’d like to return to my rant about the nasty Ikea-esque plywood centre stack on the refreshed Volvo S40. It was (they tell us) inspired by that ‘Swedish design classic’, the plywood chair. That’s the hideous plywood chair you’d typically find languishing in the bargain basement of Ikea, near the check-out.
I’d like to pretend I’ve never stooped to buying an Ikea bargain myself, but that would be a lie. I bought a lamp there, for about £15, took it home and assembled it. It was very straightforward except for the warning about how NOT to assemble it. Presumably it would be dangerous to do it that way; but I couldn’t for the life of me see what I wasn’t supposed to do. There was a black-and-white drawing of the misassembled lamp and above it – in the sort of bold typeface which suggests your life is at risk – the word NOT.
There was really only a stand, a bulb and a plug: there aren’t many ways to get it wrong. I showed the diagram to several friends, and none of them could see the lurking danger of which Ikea was warning me. It was about a week before I realised that the lamp was called a NOT. Of all the stupid, irritating, idiotic…
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Very sad news on the wires within the last few days; perhaps the most avid campaigner ever, for sensible motoring laws, has died. Paul Smith was just 52, yet the amount of knowledge he gained from the last seven years of his life, spent fighting for his cause, was quite remarkable.
Paul set up the SafeSpeed website around seven years ago; it quickly became the reference for anyone wanting chapter and verse on road safety. Working closely with the Association of British Drivers, another group intent on uncovering motoring injustices, Paul highlighted major flaws in our government’s road safety policy – yet he got little thanks for it. While the ABD is run by a group of volunteers, Paul devoted his life to his crusade, running SafeSpeed as a one-man band.
I always felt guilty for not speaking to Paul more often than I did; he uncovered one news story after another; sometimes it was research brushed under the carpet and other times it was some astonishing revelation he’d come up with by doing a bit of number crunching. While the SafeSpeed press releases and website suggested he had a chip on his shoulder, justifiable because of the government’s lazy attitude towards road safety, Paul always spoke calmly and rationally. Also, contrary to popular belief, his licence was always clean.
Thanks to his dogged determination, many dismissed Paul as a crank. The tragedy is, it’s unlikely that anyone will ever take over where Paul left off, ensuring the failed road safety policies of this government will remain. Perhaps the most fitting tribute possible would be a rethink of the UK’s road safety policy, so we can get it back on track. Instead, Paul’s demise will lead to huge sighs of relief in many quarters – which is surely the greatest injustice of all.
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Saab has issued a press release to tell us that people don’t understand green issues. It says, “consumers are unaware that biofuel cars such as the Saab BioPower, which runs on bioethanol E85, can reduce fossil fuel emissions by up to 70%”.
Eh? If you’re not using fossil fuels, of course you’re going to reduce ‘fossil fuel emissions’. E85 has a splash of petrol in it, but let’s imagine you were running your car on pure bioethanol, derived from wheat. You could then claim you had “reduced fossil fuel emissions by 100%” – hurrah – while ignoring any wheat fuel emissions. And that would be the case even if the wheat fuel were, in fact, emitting 10 times the CO2 (and other greenhouse gases) of normal petrol.
I am not saying this is the case. I am merely saying that Saab should be a little less smug about claiming that “36% of respondents don’t know anything about Biofuel technology” and then writing a load of balls which suggests that neither do they.
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| An interesting picture from the Sherpa website |
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In view of the growing interest in globalisation, I am proud to reveal my links with the Russian automotive industry.
It begins with the British company now owned by a Russian company but which was once owned by an Anglo-Dutch company that had taken over a British company that used to operate from a factory that currently makes a Korean van bought from its American owners and powered by the Italian engine used in London taxis and made by a company jointly owned by an American truck-rental firm and a German car maker, which is soon to be replaced by an American manufacturer that is in acquisition talks with the Russian company that owns the British company…. And that’s only the half of it.
In short, the all-British Sherpa van has by degrees morphed into what is now the GAZ Maxus, which is made by LDV in Birmingham using plant shipped over from the former Daewoo plant in Poland. And now for the interesting bit: GAZ International is based in the UK and run by former Ford of Europe executive, Martin Leach, with whom I once had dinner in a Paris restaurant.
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| How not to peform the sobriety test |
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It is rumored that some British police forces will soon be introducing road-side sobriety tests similar to those used in America.
In case you should be stopped during the Christmas crack-down on drink-driving I should warn you that one of the tests will require that you close your eyes and place a forefinger on the end of your nose. Behavioural psychologists have added another dimension by pointing out that anyone who keeps their eyes open during this test is not to be trusted and may be expected to provide false information.
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| An Iranian car dealer uses a webcam to place his Proton order |
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Proton, the beleaguered Malaysian car manufacturer is seeking to revive its fortunes by designing an ‘Islamic’ car in collaboration with an unspecified Iranian company. This is perfectly true and reported in this week’s Economist.
Apparently, the idea is to equip the car with a compass to indicate the direction of Mecca, a box in which to store a copy of the Qur’an, and a compartment for a headscarf.
It is unclear how these features would reconcile Iranians to the prospect of driving a Proton, although a car dealer from Tehran has placed his first order.
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| This Lotus coupe sketch dates back to 2003. |
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A recent chat with a well-placed Lotus source confirmed that the specialist sportscar maker will be launching a proper 2+2 coupe at next summer’s London Motor Show.
The term ‘proper’ is used to indicate that Lotus personnel do not regard the current Europa S as worthy of wearing the badge. It should really have been a Proton but the paymasters insisted that it be marketed as a Lotus so their hands were tied.
In terms of scale, the Porsche 911 was mentioned and this perhaps might also give an indication of the price point for the new coupe.
The 2+2 project was brought forward ahead of the new Esprit; probably because of its greater commercial potential.
Apparently, no name has been finalised although my source conceded that it would be likely to begin with the letter ‘E’.
Digging into my memory banks of old Lotus names, Elite and Eclat would both seem reasonable but given the venue of the London Show, what could be more appropriate than Excel?
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