Is Clarkson a motoring journalist, TV presenter, entertainer or a comedian? Perhaps all four, although Steve Coogan has his doubts about the latter category, following a recent Top Gear gag. In case you missed it, Hammond said a Mexican car would be “lazy, feckless, flatulent, overweight, leaning against a fence asleep looking at a cactus,” while May described the food as “sick with cheese on it.”

Note that Clarkson didn’t actually say either of these things himself, which is the first part of the problem. Top Gear’s successful presenting team adheres to the Harold Ramis rule of comedy teams: there should be “the brains, the heart and the mouth.” It worked beautifully in Ghostbusters, but increasingly on a Sunday night there seem to be three mouths. Clarkson is in danger of being overshadowed.

But the second and bigger problem is that Top Gear started life as a factual programme, only later finding much better traction as a mildly subversive comedy. I’m struggling to think of any other TV programme that has followed this trajectory. Trawl some internet forums and its clear not everyone understands the shift; that Top Gear’s chit-chat is scripted and impromptu mishaps are planned in minute detail by a production team. By the same token, opinions expressed in the show are there for comic effect and not necessarily the presenter’s own.

Which begs the question, what is Clarkson? Is he a character, a la Coogan’s Partridge, an awkward caricature like David Brent?

Perhaps Jeremy should ‘out’ himself as a classically trained actor called Brian who invented ‘Clarkson’ at boarding school in the 1970s. Nobody would take him seriously anymore, but perhaps that’s what he needs.

Almost a year after our first encounter in Paris, I finally got my opportunity to drive the Nissan Juke.

Having been unable to attend the International first drive last summer, I went along to Pinewood Studios where the Juke was sharing top billing with the all-new Micra.

There’s a lot riding on the success of the Juke and early signs are positive.  It went on sale on September 24 last year and more than 5,500 have been registered - predominantly to retail customers. This is more than double the sales of the MINI Countryman (which was launched around the same time) and is described as Nissan’s most successful pre-launch ever, lending weight to Nissan’s claim that the Juke is a volume seller rather than a quirky niche car like the Cube.

It’s clear that a lot of people are sold on the Juke’s distinctive styling which is like nothing we’ve seen before. Nothing, that is, other than the Qazana Concept car upon which it’s based of course.

Product Manager James Lacey described the design as a tale of two halves (top and bottom). The upper half portraying a sporting  GT-R inspired coupe while below the rising beltline exaggerated wheelarches shroud grey plastic spats over high profile rubber-wrapped alloys befitting of the rugged Qashqai crossover’s baby brother.

The elevated ride height results in a commanding driving position which affords an excellent view in traffic situations and this is complemented by the raised headlight blisters which help you pick out the corners (well, almost) of the Juke - a real boon for parking manoeuvres.

You might expect the upright stance to translate into less than tidy handling but that’s not the case. In fact the Juke possesses fine road manners and a level of composure which gives you the confidence to hustle it along through the twisty bits with ease.

I drove two variants, the top-spec petrol-powered 1.6 DiG-T Tekna which comes fully-loaded at £20,345. The turbocharged engine’s 190 PS enables a 0-62 mph sprint in 8.4 seconds and a 124 mph top speed. All-mode 4-wheel drive is standard on this model with torque vectoring which transfers traction where it’s needed most. This is particularly useful during hard cornering as I noted when joining a motorway from a slip road as the dashboard graphic highlighted the system’s decision-making which ensured maximum grip.

For the cost-conscious among you, the front-wheel drive 1.5 dCi diesel model delivers 55.4 mpg and CO2 emissions of just 134 g/km yet it still matches the torque of the high-performance petrol model with 240 Nm.

That still means plenty of useable performance (even if the 0-62 figure of 11.2 seconds might seem a little pedestrian), group 13E insurance and a more modest list price of £17,495 for the top-spec Tekna.

Juke prices start at a fiver short of £13K and for that money it’s hard to think of anything funkier that still delivers decent practicality and performance.

If you like the styling - go get one now.

Check out the photo gallery from the launch at Pinewood Studios.

We road tested the Nissan Navara recently, and found it to be a hugely capable – if slightly crude – piece of kit. Watch the video to see how large the Navara truly is.

These gargantuan pickups seem to be everywhere at the moment, perhaps as they blend the comfort of a large 4×4 with a huge load space. Not to mention that as a commercial vehicle the 20% VAT is reclaimable.

Besides the Nissan Navara, current offerings include the Toyota Hilux, Mitsubishi L200, Mazda BT-50, Ford Ranger and Isuzu Rodeo.

But now Volkswagen wants a piece of this market with an all-new model called the Amarok. The company chose the London Boat/Outdoors show to preview the car last weekend.

Up close the Amarok looks equally well made, comfortable and capable as its rivals. Incredibly, it appears to be even larger… even putting some boats in the shade.

We’re planning to test the VW Amarok when it goes on sale in the UK in April.

I can’t remember the last time an Alfa Romeo got as much network UK screentime as the 147 which belongs to the Italian detective Aurelio Zen, played by Rufus Sewell in the BBC drama Zen, based on the best-selling novels of the late Michael Dibdin.

What a terrible shame that this excellent product placement opportunity wasn’t filled by the new Giulietta!

Shooting apparently began in Spring 2010, so perhaps it was just too soon for the new Alfa hatch, or maybe a brand new car just didn’t suit the character?

Whichever or whatever the case may have been, if I was an Alfa Romeo exec, I’d be getting in touch with production house Left Bank Pictures, in the event that a second series is commissioned (Dibdin had 11 Zen books published).

Cleanest in the world

The question I most hate being asked is “what car should I buy?” Because people who scarcely know me ask it all the time. I have no idea how much money they have to spend, nor do I know whether they want it for track days on the Nordschleife, towing a horsebox through mud, or ferrying the kids to school. I usually resort to saying, “I think it simply has to be either a smart fortwo or a Bugatti Veyron.” Silly questions require silly answers.

What I can do, however, is pick the cars I’ve particularly enjoyed driving this year, ranging from supercars to city shoppers: so here are my own, personal, top three cars driven this year, all chosen for very different reasons.

In third place, for me, is the Nissan 370Z Roadster, because the idea of spending just £30,000 and getting an open-topped semi-supercar that handles like a dream and does 0-62 in 5.8 seconds is laughable. In a good way.

Second place goes to a car I wasn’t expecting to like. It’s just not “my” sort of car at all, but I was utterly blown away by the amazing combination of performance, luxury and price in the Mercedes C-Class Estate. Make sure to get the heated seats, and winter weather will never bother you again.

But in first place by a country mile is a car I believe to be one of the most important new vehicles for a decade. Not only is the Fiat 500 TwinAir powered by the world’s cleanest mass-produced petrol engine, but it is truly, genuinely, honestly fun to drive. I was expecting to forgive the TwinAir quite a lot. I expected the two-cylinder engine to be buzzy, noisy and slow. But it was none of these. It was superb.

So there you go. My three personal bests of 2010. But then again, none of them is much good as a seven-seater people carrier…

Audi has this week posed an interesting question: what should electric cars sound like?

I’ve driven the Tesla Roadster, MINI E and Renault’s ZE cars and loved the near-silent whirr of the motor. But the stealthy approach of an EV is a menace to pedestrians, apparently (don’t they look before crossing anymore?)

Forging ahead with development on its e-tron range, Audi has employed special ‘acousticians’ to tackle the problem of silent and near-silent cars.

First idea was something that sounds broadly similar to a combustion engine – but why make your lovely new car of tomorrow sound like the car of yesterday?

Asked to describe the noise a car of the future should make, like me you’d probably think of a humming klaxon (a la George Jetson’s car), or the Theremin from Forbidden Planet.

Audi has tried all that, and is now experimenting with more ‘natural’ noises: not as silly as it sounds, when you remember that nature often influences design in the first place.

I plan to load my Mitsubishi Lancer EV’s noise unit with ‘basking shark’ effects. With a barking dog horn.

We’ve already had A2, A3, A4, A5 A6, A7 and A8 from Audi, so it might seem perfectly logical that its smallest car yet (under 4m in length) should wear the A1 moniker.

Well I actually think there’s a more appropriate name than the one chosen - but more of that later.

Firstly, cutting to the chase, the A1 is basically Audi’s MINI killer. Although Audi officials describe the A1 as the first ‘true’ compact premium car, pointing out that Audi is regularly partnering and mingling socially with other luxury brands whilst implying that MINI is more of a funky fashionista’s favourite. I see what they mean, but it didn’t stop them referencing the MINI in all the comparison charts within the A1 press pack.

In key areas relating to running costs, the A1 seems to have BMW’s MINI licked. In the depreciation stakes, the Audi is projected to retain a range average of 60% of its value over 3 years, 30,000 miles, versus the MINI’s 50%, whilst also enjoying lower insurance group ratings than its retro-styled rival.

And while we’re on the styling theme, Audi is keen to highlight the A1’s design as being modern and edgy - definitely NOT retro.

The car is exquisitely detailed and built like a fine Swiss watch. The fascia is a little on the grey side but you can specify some glossy contrasting vent sleeves to lighten the mood. On the exterior, 4 roof contrast line colours are available on the extensive options list to accentuate the A1’s silhouette and I thought these were very effective indeed.

Dynamically, the A1 is agile and unruffled over a range of road surfaces. The larger 17-inch wheel and tyre combination really looked the part but it took the edge off the smoothness delivered by the 16-inchers, so you’ll need to decide which matters most.

Power delivery from both the petrol and diesel variants was punchy although the latter’s extra torque coupled with a 6-speed manual gearbox, meant the oil-burner got my vote - especially when you factor in 70.6 mpg and CO2 emissions of 105 g/km.

Now back to the name. I was watching an episode of ‘The Apprentice’ last week in which two of the more annoying contenders were bickering, one questioning the other’s arithmetical competence. “Actually, I got an A-star in Maths!” came the rebuttal.

Hmmm, A* (star). Yes that’s top marks as opposed to ship-shape and Bristol fashion, very good.

The only problem is that when I remember the 1 or 2 classmates from my schooldays who regularly achieved such high results, I also remember that they were the last kids to get picked at sports…so they didn’t come tops in the popularity charts.

Audi will be hoping the supremely capable A1 succeeds where the ‘Peter Perfects’ failed.

Initial order books are full so the outlook is currently rosy.

The Audi A1 range is available to order now with prices (adjusted to include the January VAT hike) starting from £13,420 for the 1.2 TFSI SE model.

London’s hippest and coolest were in Central London last night, at a launch event hosted by MINI. We were there too.

Promised a true ‘MINI product launch’, supermodel Agyness Deyn was hungrily avoiding the canapés, electropop star Little Boots was the DJ, with BMW design chief Adrian Van Hooydonk as MC.

The big unveil turned out to be not just one vehicle but three… electric scooters, no less. One was electric ‘MINI E’ green and yellow, another British Racing Green, with the third a special English ‘mod’ edition, complete with roundel. Strap on the beaver’s tail and Brighton here we come.

Tying-in to MINI’s cars, Mr Van Hooydonk focused on the latter two-wheeler, remarking on the scooter’s “Britishness”. In Quadrophenia terms he’s justified, although Vespa and Lambretta might have something to say about scooter origins.

Nonetheless, the three concepts all sport the typical design cues and retro touches synonymous with the MINI brand. And with ‘E’ badging and plug-in battery power, offer a ready route into electric mobility that the prototype MINI E car currently can’t provide.

In terms of brand ‘lifestyle’ then and as a cheaper route to MINI ownership, the scooters are likely to see production.

The inevitable ‘Issigonis will spin in his grave’ brigade will be along in a moment…