Careful - you might get your fingers burnt completing this form.

With my European insurance certificate, I received an ‘Accident Statement’ form. You know the sort of thing – an official form where you write down the details of the accident, with helpful little diagrams for you to draw on.

All good so far. But then I read the bit which tells you to fill in the form if your car is stolen, or burnt. And then the very next line, which tells you in big, bold, capital letters to KEEP THIS FORM (AND A BALLPOINT PEN) IN YOUR CAR.

A ban on smoking in cars seems to be gaining momentum. The idea first surfaced a couple of years ago during the wider law change it seems, primarily touted as a road safety measure.

Two years on, and it’s making headlines again after a doctor has expressed his concerns about child passive smoking. 

We don’t really need to go into the health issues here, which are well documented. But the case as a threat to driver safety seems much less clear. Is holding a cigarette really any more dangerous than tuning the radio, and do we need legislation to control it?

I don’t know about you, but I get the feeling a ban is coming…  

Our Editor-in-Chief drove an electric car recently, called the ev’ie. Unlike the GoinGreen G-Wiz that urbanites typically associate with battery cars, this one is based on the crash-tested Citroen C1.

You can read his thoughts in full for yourself, but what comes across is that combustion engined cars that have been morphed into electric ones convince much more than their purpose-built, quadricycle city runabout rivals. Ed Morris drove the Mitsubishi iMiEV and drew a similar conclusion.

This led to me thinking: if you could convert any car into an electric one, which would you choose? Since smart is trialling electric versions, for my money the defunct smart roadster holds considerable appeal. Granted, it’s not exactly practical for most people, but then a G-Wiz isn’t either.

Which car would you turn electric?

A Series 1 Lotus Elise

Those of you with Series 1 and early Series 2 Lotus Elises will no doubt be familiar with the perennial steering rack problem.

Check with any Lotus dealer and they will quote at least £312 plus VAT for a complete rack, when all most of us need is a tie rod and a couple of Delrin shoes, although these components alone are seemingly impossible to buy from a Lotus dealer.

I have some good news. If you contact Titan (the makers of the steering racks) they will supply the precise bits you need. There is a minimum charge of £25, but that will buy you a tie rod and the shoes. You can also buy a complete rack for £289.00 plus VAT, and Titan also offer a refurbishment service. Needless to say, they also supply ‘quick’ racks for track use.

In these days of expensive, disposable car parts, what a refreshing change to find a company that will supply you parts to enable a REPAIR rather than simply fob you off with a new unit.

You will find all the contact details here.

I do sympathise with Charis’ blog Speechless or clueless?

Regular readers may recall I’ve had issues with Hertz in the past but in these budget-conscious times, I was tempted into “giving them another go” by a promotion on the .co.uk site which promises a 20% discount on rentals booked 30 days in advance.

I checked the prices prior to booking my airline tickets and the prices looked good. I returned to the site a week later (still well ahead of the 30-day cut-off) and went through the identical process but instead of the keen prices, I got the following message:

Not all requirements for the Rate Code - LITE requested have been met. We have removed the Rate Code from your request to provide you with the best rate returned. If you would still like to take advantage of the Rate Code, please refer to the offer details to meet all necessary requirements. [DRX142]

After trying again several times to try to work out what I’d done wrong, I filled in a query form since I couldn’t find a telephone number to ring. I was promised a reply within 2 working days. 1 week later - nothing.

My wife then found a telephone number on the Hertz.com website. The customer service chap at first told me that the promotion had ended! I pointed out that it was still being displayed on the website and then he investigated further and came up with the following explanation:

“It probably means that the particular location’s office has removed itself from the promotion…”

I can accept that the fine print in the terms and conditions covers this possibility, but the complete lack of clarity in the rate code message is in itself a customer services disaster. The absence of a ‘call me’ facility on the website which instead features innumerable FAQs is a also a failing and then the lack of contact within the stated 2 working days is abysmal.

To top this off with a customer services representative who doesn’t even know whether the promotion is running…..

Book with Hertz again? No.

Recommend to a friend? No.

Blog about the miserable service? Yes.

Hertz.co.uk - FAIL

I seldom listen to the radio when I’m driving, but on a really long journey I might break the silence with a few bars of Marriage of Figaro. But I can’t sing to save my life, so I eventually put on a Mozart CD instead.

Mozart was a genius, and few have since been equal to this inspired tunesmith. However, this generation has a near equal – the trumpeter Wynton Marsalis - whose eclectic performances range from classic baroque to home-spun jazz compositions from his own prolific pen. He’s not a bad poet, either, and his latest album ‘He and She’ explores in a myriad of jazz forms, the lines and themes of his poem of the same name.

He reads snatches of the poem throughout the recording, which concludes with the whole piece as a single track. Marsalis has a mellifluous, hominy grit voice that sounds for all the world like that of the big coloured guy that used to wander about in an overcoat and a floppy cap telling us in a poetic manner why we should bank at Barclay’s. (I think).

Somebody bought me the He & She album as a birthday present (I am six and a quarter, today, June 12) and I would love to play you the whole thing. However, the best I can do is point you at this YouTube trailer and invite you to taste a morsel of the Marsalis genius.

You will hear only a snatch of the poem, and miss one of the best bits: “One plus one make two, Like you and me before becoming we.” I wish I could write like that.

You would hardly know it was there

There I was, nursing a coffee in the evening sunshine, minding my own business in a pub garden, when from round the corner I heard these three noises: a revving engine, screeching tyres, a loud CRACK!

A CRACK? I put two and two together and to my dismay it made five, at least. Some muppet in an Audi, showing off to his mates, had dropped the clutch in reverse and barrelled across the car park straight into my hitherto oh-so-pretty Lotus Elise Type 49.

“Sorry, mate,” he slurred, viewing the Lotus’s cracked clamshell with an unfocused eye. “I didn’t see it.”

What’s red, white and gold, sticks out in a car park full of silver cars like a red balloon at a Tory conference, and now is in bits?

“I’m really sorry, said Mr Audi. “Send me the estimate, and I’ll pay it straight away.” I did, and he didn’t. Watch this space.

The A29 in West Sussex

Those of you familiar with the A29 will know that north of Billingshurst there are several stretches of ruler-straight road along the line of Stane Street – the old Roman road from Chichester to London.

During the day, the A29 is often all but deserted, and so when I came up behind a Toyota Boring pottering along at about 40 mph in a 60 limit there was no problem in overtaking – the road was otherwise entirely clear. Another car was driving behind me and just as that went to overtake as well, the driver of the said Toyota at the very last moment swerved to the right to block the road.  This he did three or four times although there was no approaching traffic and the national speed limit applies to the entire stretch of road in question.

Both of us were driving sports cars, so the second overtake would have been as swift and painless as the first. Instead, the Toyota driver’s sanctimonious enforcement of an imagined speed limit created unnecessary danger and the risk of a major accident.

If you happen to be reading this, Mr. Smug Toyota Boring driver, I was driving the Lotus that first passed you. Please get in touch, as there is something I should like to discuss with you; as would my wife, who was driving the other car.

Danger signs

I have certain motoring rules, which I advise you all to follow.

1) Never trust any driver wearing a hat; they are about to crash. It doesn’t matter what sort of hat – baseball cap, flat cap, or fluffy blue thing with a brim, the same rule applies. If you see a tell-tale silhouette in the car ahead - back off.

2) Never have anything to do with someone who gives their car a name. They are a potential serial killer.

3) Never get close to someone who has a personalised number plate. They are already a serial killer.

There are never any exceptions to these rules.

Top: Z4 app on iTunes, Middle: Artwork I created with the app, Bottom: The real Z4 as tested

I promised I’d keep you posted (literally) on interesting car-related iPhone apps so here’s an update on my experience with BMW Z4 - An Expression of Joy - Lite (available free of charge on the iTunes Store) in comparison with my real-world  drive of the BMW Z4 which I got to try out at Millbrook last week.

My own background is creative: I excelled in art at school and went on to study Industrial Design at degree level, so I can appreciate BMW’s desire to follow a different (more artistic) path with its iPhone app than the obvious track or road-based driving game which has pretty much been done to death.

The problem for me is that this ‘expression of joy’ is simply lacking in the joy department. It’s actually dull. Painting a vast virtual canvas using the Z4’s tyres as rollers is about as much fun as watching…well, I guess the only redeeming feature is that the app doesn’t require you to wait for the virtual paint to dry.

In contrast to my joyless iPhone drive, I’m delighted to report that the real thing is a completely different kettle of fish.

I tested a Z4 sDrrive 30i and liken its performance to a Mike Tyson punch (in his heyday, of course) delivered in a velvet glove.

The stats are pretty impressive too: 258 bhp, 310 Nm, 0-62 mph in 5.8 seconds and a top speed electronically restricted to 155 mph. In light of these, 33.2 mpg economy on the Combined Cycle is not to be sniffed at either.

Artistically, I have to say I prefer the boldness of the original Z4’s styling to the subtlety of the new car, but I suspect I’m in a minority with that view. The adoption of the folding tin-top rather than the fabric roof also makes for a compromised coupe design, so I think the Z4 looks its best with the top down.

So BMW hasn’t lost the plot when it comes to sportscars, it just needs to make sure that the essential fun element present in the roadster remains undiluted throughout its creative advertising and marketing campaign - right the way down to its iPhone app.

PS:

I note that there is now a paid for app (59p) available called the BMW Z4 Experience which may well have appeared as a response to some who share my point of view but I’ll have to check that out another day.