I do sympathise with Charis’ blog Speechless or clueless?

Regular readers may recall I’ve had issues with Hertz in the past but in these budget-conscious times, I was tempted into “giving them another go” by a promotion on the .co.uk site which promises a 20% discount on rentals booked 30 days in advance.

I checked the prices prior to booking my airline tickets and the prices looked good. I returned to the site a week later (still well ahead of the 30-day cut-off) and went through the identical process but instead of the keen prices, I got the following message:

Not all requirements for the Rate Code - LITE requested have been met. We have removed the Rate Code from your request to provide you with the best rate returned. If you would still like to take advantage of the Rate Code, please refer to the offer details to meet all necessary requirements. [DRX142]

After trying again several times to try to work out what I’d done wrong, I filled in a query form since I couldn’t find a telephone number to ring. I was promised a reply within 2 working days. 1 week later - nothing.

My wife then found a telephone number on the Hertz.com website. The customer service chap at first told me that the promotion had ended! I pointed out that it was still being displayed on the website and then he investigated further and came up with the following explanation:

“It probably means that the particular location’s office has removed itself from the promotion…”

I can accept that the fine print in the terms and conditions covers this possibility, but the complete lack of clarity in the rate code message is in itself a customer services disaster. The absence of a ‘call me’ facility on the website which instead features innumerable FAQs is a also a failing and then the lack of contact within the stated 2 working days is abysmal.

To top this off with a customer services representative who doesn’t even know whether the promotion is running…..

Book with Hertz again? No.

Recommend to a friend? No.

Blog about the miserable service? Yes.

Hertz.co.uk - FAIL

I seldom listen to the radio when I’m driving, but on a really long journey I might break the silence with a few bars of Marriage of Figaro. But I can’t sing to save my life, so I eventually put on a Mozart CD instead.

Mozart was a genius, and few have since been equal to this inspired tunesmith. However, this generation has a near equal – the trumpeter Wynton Marsalis - whose eclectic performances range from classic baroque to home-spun jazz compositions from his own prolific pen. He’s not a bad poet, either, and his latest album ‘He and She’ explores in a myriad of jazz forms, the lines and themes of his poem of the same name.

He reads snatches of the poem throughout the recording, which concludes with the whole piece as a single track. Marsalis has a mellifluous, hominy grit voice that sounds for all the world like that of the big coloured guy that used to wander about in an overcoat and a floppy cap telling us in a poetic manner why we should bank at Barclay’s. (I think).

Somebody bought me the He & She album as a birthday present (I am six and a quarter, today, June 12) and I would love to play you the whole thing. However, the best I can do is point you at this YouTube trailer and invite you to taste a morsel of the Marsalis genius.

You will hear only a snatch of the poem, and miss one of the best bits: “One plus one make two, Like you and me before becoming we.” I wish I could write like that.

You would hardly know it was there

There I was, nursing a coffee in the evening sunshine, minding my own business in a pub garden, when from round the corner I heard these three noises: a revving engine, screeching tyres, a loud CRACK!

A CRACK? I put two and two together and to my dismay it made five, at least. Some muppet in an Audi, showing off to his mates, had dropped the clutch in reverse and barrelled across the car park straight into my hitherto oh-so-pretty Lotus Elise Type 49.

“Sorry, mate,” he slurred, viewing the Lotus’s cracked clamshell with an unfocused eye. “I didn’t see it.”

What’s red, white and gold, sticks out in a car park full of silver cars like a red balloon at a Tory conference, and now is in bits?

“I’m really sorry, said Mr Audi. “Send me the estimate, and I’ll pay it straight away.” I did, and he didn’t. Watch this space.

The A29 in West Sussex

Those of you familiar with the A29 will know that north of Billingshurst there are several stretches of ruler-straight road along the line of Stane Street – the old Roman road from Chichester to London.

During the day, the A29 is often all but deserted, and so when I came up behind a Toyota Boring pottering along at about 40 mph in a 60 limit there was no problem in overtaking – the road was otherwise entirely clear. Another car was driving behind me and just as that went to overtake as well, the driver of the said Toyota at the very last moment swerved to the right to block the road.  This he did three or four times although there was no approaching traffic and the national speed limit applies to the entire stretch of road in question.

Both of us were driving sports cars, so the second overtake would have been as swift and painless as the first. Instead, the Toyota driver’s sanctimonious enforcement of an imagined speed limit created unnecessary danger and the risk of a major accident.

If you happen to be reading this, Mr. Smug Toyota Boring driver, I was driving the Lotus that first passed you. Please get in touch, as there is something I should like to discuss with you; as would my wife, who was driving the other car.

Danger signs

I have certain motoring rules, which I advise you all to follow.

1) Never trust any driver wearing a hat; they are about to crash. It doesn’t matter what sort of hat – baseball cap, flat cap, or fluffy blue thing with a brim, the same rule applies. If you see a tell-tale silhouette in the car ahead - back off.

2) Never have anything to do with someone who gives their car a name. They are a potential serial killer.

3) Never get close to someone who has a personalised number plate. They are already a serial killer.

There are never any exceptions to these rules.

Top: Z4 app on iTunes, Middle: Artwork I created with the app, Bottom: The real Z4 as tested

I promised I’d keep you posted (literally) on interesting car-related iPhone apps so here’s an update on my experience with BMW Z4 - An Expression of Joy - Lite (available free of charge on the iTunes Store) in comparison with my real-world  drive of the BMW Z4 which I got to try out at Millbrook last week.

My own background is creative: I excelled in art at school and went on to study Industrial Design at degree level, so I can appreciate BMW’s desire to follow a different (more artistic) path with its iPhone app than the obvious track or road-based driving game which has pretty much been done to death.

The problem for me is that this ‘expression of joy’ is simply lacking in the joy department. It’s actually dull. Painting a vast virtual canvas using the Z4’s tyres as rollers is about as much fun as watching…well, I guess the only redeeming feature is that the app doesn’t require you to wait for the virtual paint to dry.

In contrast to my joyless iPhone drive, I’m delighted to report that the real thing is a completely different kettle of fish.

I tested a Z4 sDrrive 30i and liken its performance to a Mike Tyson punch (in his heyday, of course) delivered in a velvet glove.

The stats are pretty impressive too: 258 bhp, 310 Nm, 0-62 mph in 5.8 seconds and a top speed electronically restricted to 155 mph. In light of these, 33.2 mpg economy on the Combined Cycle is not to be sniffed at either.

Artistically, I have to say I prefer the boldness of the original Z4’s styling to the subtlety of the new car, but I suspect I’m in a minority with that view. The adoption of the folding tin-top rather than the fabric roof also makes for a compromised coupe design, so I think the Z4 looks its best with the top down.

So BMW hasn’t lost the plot when it comes to sportscars, it just needs to make sure that the essential fun element present in the roadster remains undiluted throughout its creative advertising and marketing campaign - right the way down to its iPhone app.

PS:

I note that there is now a paid for app (59p) available called the BMW Z4 Experience which may well have appeared as a response to some who share my point of view but I’ll have to check that out another day.

David Martell (of Trafficmaster fame) has set up the Electric Car Corporation (ECC) to launch what the company describes as the UK’s first full 4 seat electric production car - the ev’ie (or evie, depending on how lazy you are with pretentious punctuation marks).

The launch took place at a West London hotel which gave us the chance to try out the Citroen C1-based car slap bang in the middle of the Congestion Charge zone - an area in which ECC hopes the evie will find many friends.

The brief presentation was well attended by council officials as well as journalists. Mary Toffi, Transport Policy Manger of Richmond Council explained that ECC has been approved as a Car Club. The Borough is planning to double its allocation of car club bays over the next year (mainly at the expense of residents’ parking) so ECC is clearly hoping to occupy as many of these as possible.

Although our brief drive was confined to a small area in and around Hyde Park, we were able to get a feel for the responsiveness of the evie’s power unit as we accelerated away from the lights and blended effortlessly into the lunchtime traffic flow.

The controls couldn’t be simpler. The ‘gearstick’ (there are no gears as such) has just two positions: forward and reverse. The pedals are just stop and go.

ECC’s Technical Director Jeff Solomon accompanied me on the drive. I was concerned that the severity of the regenerative braking (as you lift off, the car decelerates instantly without you touching the brake pedal) might catch out following drivers but Solomon reassured me, “As soon as the regenerative braking kicks in, the brake lights are activated.”

As you’d expect from an electric car, the motor was pretty much silent. In other respects, the car was as comfortable and refined as a regular Citroen C1. The only apparent compromise is the reduction in boot space to accommodate the battery pack, an overnight charge of which will give you a realistic driving range of 60-70 miles.

At almost £17K, the evie could look expensive, but it seems like an absolute bargain when compared to the Lithium-ion version of the toy town inspired G-Wiz quadricycle which is far smaller, has never been near a crash-test, yet still retails at just £1,000 less!

The evie’s price does include a 3-year warranty and even if you achieve half the annual savings of £7,000 touted by Martell, you can see that the numbers begin to add up.

All we need now, I hear you say, is some serious investment in infrastructure so there are enough charging points to meet the potential demand. Well, they’ve thought of that too, setting up a separate company called ECC Infracharge to assist with the installation of more juice points at a reduced cost.

ECC Board member, Christopher Ross, bullishly told me that the evie would be available from Citroen showrooms, but the Citroen PR team on hand seemed to suggest it was not yet a done deal. Either way, if you’re keen on the idea of electric motoring, the evie certainly seems to make a lot of sense.

VW Polo revved up and ready to go on your iPhone

Along with the launch of the all-new Polo at Geneva, VW announced that it was releasing a free iPhone game which has now become available as a download on the App Store in iTunes.

Developed by Fishlabs, it’s called Volkswagen Polo Challenge, and offers eight tracks with full, detailed 3D visuals. The game play is very straightforward: users have just basic touchscreen left and right steering and brake controls to contend with.

It’s a bit slow to load each track and I find the fact that the iPhone’s motion sensor is not utilised, somewhat disappointing. But let’s not forget - it’s free.

On the promotional side, the game  also allows you to find your nearest VW dealer on Google Maps to book a test-drive of the new Polo.

I’ll be keeping an eye on various manufacturers’ iPhone activity and letting you know which apps are worth their salt. Stay tuned (…or is that iTuned?)

Cars no more affect climate change than do tumble driers. The cycle of climate change we are presently experiencing has occurred several times before - long before cars, long before people. We should be spending our money not on trying – Cnut-like - to prevent the inevitable, but on finding ways to live with the foreseeable and predictable changes.

I thought I’d seen it all on Monday, when the North Downs turned into one giant ski slope, and even ambulances crashed off-piste.

But yesterday was worse. The snow – although still in evidence – had stopped, er…snowing, and instead we had thick fog. 50-metre thick fog – that’s 4 coach lengths – and thickening.

Or sickening, I should say, at least when it came to the crazy, mindless antics of people who were driving in appalling visibility yet gave not a single thought to switching on their car headlights. Although judging by the majority of culprits, my guess was that they did think, and thought “Am I bovvered?’

About one car in ten loomed suddenly out of the fog with not so much as a nite lite in the window. About half the rest though that side lights would do, which, considering the conditions, would be like trying to land a Jumbo at night on a couple of bicycle lamps. And the silly thing is, the drivers had gone to the trouble of switching on some sort of lighting and then presumably decided that switching on their headlights would be a waste of a good battery. This despite the fact that they must have realised from the fellow idiots coming towards them that side lights simply could not compete with the fog.

I’ll give you one guess and at which combination of car and driver made up the greatest number of offenders – and I saw hundreds of cars without lights, by the way, so my observation and sampling was sound.