"We wish no harm to England's native people. We are here to bring you good manners, refinement and an opportunity to make a fresh start."
I wish the VXR8 had been fitted with a loud hailer; then I could have driven through middle England reciting the words uttered by the Aboriginal chieftain, Burnam Burnam, when he raised a symbolic flag on the White Cliffs of Dover in order to claim England for his people.
"We wish no harm, etc...." might have reassured the old ladies who cowered in shop doorways, the women who grasped stray infants to their bosoms, and the Toyota Yaris drivers who swerved into trees in panic. All were fleeing from the Monster: the Vauxhall with Venom that burbled its way along Billingshurst High Street accompanied by the sound of scurrying Hush Puppies and the scrape of trolley baskets overturned in haste. Billingshurst! Know ye Beelzebub!...burble, burble.
Of course the Vauxhall VXR8 is no more a Vauxhall than I am a vicar. It is a Holden: a thinly veiled import from the land of billabongs and barbies, where the 6.0-litre, V8 saloon is considered little more than a runabout for shopping and for Sheilas, where real men drive trucks with ten trailers, and anything with fewer than a hundred wheels is for wimps.
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the GM V8 can trace back its history for more than 50 years |
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But over here, the Holden-Vauxhall, or Holdall, ranks among the supercars: at least for power and performance, although maybe not in terms of panache - unless you rate the Corvette among the great and wonderful. Yup, the VE-Series Holden Commodore VXR8 - to honour it with its full title - is powered by the venerable GM 'small block' V8 that delivered a number of Le Mans class victories in the days when 'Vettes ruled the roost.
Just like the old Buick V8 that stood the test of time in Range Rovers and TVRs, the GM V8 can trace back its history for more than 50 years. Now known as the 6.0i LSR, the Holden's engine is a direct descendent of the legendary 'Turbo-Fire V8' that first went into production in 1955. Don't be misled by the name: the small-block engine is not turbo-powered - not then, not now.
But nonetheless, it develops 417PS and a peak torque of 550 Nm - enough to thrust this sizeable car to 60 mph in a meagre 4.9 seconds. According to Holden, the top speed must remain a mystery - 'Australians never quote top speed' is the official line - but Vauxhall admits to at least 155 mph, which is probably a regulated maximum.
Supervising the big 'small block' engine is GM's latest engine-management system, which monitors its goings on, and every 6.25 milliseconds makes whatever adjustments are necessary to maintain peak performance.
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